Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
