i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he shaved USA in his pubs
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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