You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
