Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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