someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
