dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
