i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
