Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
