chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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