I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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