can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
