haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
