In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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