Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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