Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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