But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
