Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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