Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
