we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
