I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
