Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
