My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
