i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
