I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
