i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
