If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
