I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
