She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
