I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he thought i was a dude.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
