This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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