I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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