just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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