Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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