Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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