No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
