ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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