last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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