I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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