hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
