Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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