the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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