is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
