hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
