I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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