she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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