What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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