good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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