just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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