dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
