Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
