I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
