So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
