You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
