At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
