i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
