Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
