Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
