barbara walters just said penis...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
