I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
