My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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