i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
