i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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