I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
