While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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