I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
