I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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