I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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