wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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