sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we made out on top of his cat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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