I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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