oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This toilet bowl is my home.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
